C A M P



CAMP was a way-cool show! i always love walking into a movie theatre with no expectations, only to be pleasantly satisfied by the time i come out..

this show is about a theater camp filled with many diverse teenagers with an equally diverse range of problems. In fact, every one of them is a social misfit of some kind. The fact that they are teenagers somehow makes them much more interesting than the average cynical adult with the usual adult issues (whatever they are). The story deals with betrayal, deceit, pain, anguish, joy and hope, and i enjoyed the numerous moments of subtle and not so subtle humour...

great soundtrack (definitely will buy CD), great acting and singing, funny and moving storyline, and refreshing new faces (all never seen before), including this amazing picture-perfect boyband looking guy Vlad (Daniel Letterle) (who, believe it or not, is my desktop wallpaper for the next few days.. wahahahaha..) :p

oh well, go see it.. it's not a high-profile show (in Singapore, at least) but a refreshing change :).. if you need to find out more about the storyline, click here

Emoticons

i think i need more emoticons in my online conversations..

if you happen to have chatted online with me before, or exchanged a casual email or two, you would have realised that i am only capable of these four:

:O
:)
:p
:D

hahaha.. just realised how limited it is ... doncha think so??

i just found this to add to my repetoire of online feelings...High-Tech Dictionary Emoticons

Read also: The Art of Conversation

Which tree are you?

try here

Fir Tree:

"Mysterious Extraordinary taste, dignity, cultivated airs, loves anything beautiful, moody, stubborn, tends to egoism but cares for those close to it, rather modest, very ambitious, talented, industrious uncontent lover, many friends, many foes, very reliable. "

umm...

i know i've been putting up a whole bunch of personality tests on my blog lately.. i don't really know why.. maybe it's because i just happen to come across more of them.. or maybe subconsciously i've been drawn to them because of the endless streams of uncleared thoughts in my head..

anyway, i found this bloginality: weblogger personality thingey just now - looks like i'm not alone.. :p

Henry Park relics

Lynn just emailed me to inform me of this news:

School notes - SEPT 29, 2003:

"HENRY PARK SEEKS ITEMS FOR ITS MUSEUM

HENRY Park Primary wants the old school uniforms, photographs and textbooks of its alumni. It intends to use these in the Heritage Centre it is setting up in the school. Former students can drop off items at the school in Holland Grove Road on Saturday during its first Alumni Day, between 10am and 4pm. Teachers past and present will be there, and there will be a lunch reception. "

i dug around my cupboard and realised i no longer have any of the old HPPS stuff i thought i had.. must be because of all the nomadic activity my family has been engaged in these few years.. moving 3 times in 7 years is no joke, believe me..

but i managed to find my old report book and some of the remarks read:

Primary 1: "A very well-behaved girl" (hahha...)
Primary 1: "A conscientious and hardworking girl." (wah... industrious from a young age...haha..)
Primary 2: "A quiet and well-behaved pupil."
Primary 2: "A hardworking gril and a good leader." (wahh..:))
Primary 3: "Tends to be careless" (oops.. )
Primary 3: "A good pupil" (way too vague ....no? either that or nothing else to say..)
Primary 4: "A quiet and well-behaved girl" (i guess it must have been true then..)
Primary 4: "Huiiling is a nice girl. Should try to be more responsive during class discussions" (err... i think now the problem is just the opposite..)
Primary 5: "A well-behaved girl." (for lack of anything else to say??)
Primary 6: "A cheerful and helpful girl." (:))
Primary 6: "A steady worker. Shows enthusiasm in her work" (steady leh... :p)

feeling "blank"

should this site be just about sweet, wonderful things that happen to me?

should i constantly write only things that are uplifting, inspiring, philosophical or, at the very least, meaningful so the people who stumble onto my site walk away feeling all fuzzy and happy?

honestly, i'm feeling a bit blank and "zonked out" right now.. worst still, when i thought about some real, "emotional" issue just now, i found myself strangely un-moved and unaffected.. that's when i realised i've become somewhat "emotionally detached/dead".. i've become as "emotionally alive" as that terracotta pot of cactus that's sitting on your window sill .. the one that needs watering cos it's looking a wee bit parched..

oh well, guess maybe i'm physically fatigued as well.. let's see how things go.. don't really like to be so "unemotional".. feel more like a sack of rice than a walking, breathing human being..

and here's something really strange i just found online..
"Microsoft Announces Ads for BSOD (Blue Screen Of Death)".. pretty absurd how pervasive advertising is.. besides, i question how successful this form of advertising can be when people see it in the midst of being frustrated with a "hung" computer! :O

another shocking revelation: "10 percent of Windows machines crash every day, or any given machine will crash about three times a month ".. which makes it.. "70 million crashes every 24 hours"??? :O

damn those Windows machines!

52 projects



This "52 projects" thing sounds really fun, especially when some of the "projects" suggested seem, on the surface, actually quite "pointless" but take on a deeper meaning when you are willing to think about them for a while... at the very least, i can imagine how they can help to break the monotony of daily existence..

have you ever come up with a list of "Personal Projects" that you wanted to do? I remember (now that we are at the tail-end of this year) that around January this year, a group of close friends and I sat down for dinner and we wrote out some "personal projects" that we each wanted to do in the course of calender year 2003..

i can't remember why we didn't want to call these ideas "New Year's Resolutions".. anyway, we called them "Projects" and they included stuff like "setting up a PC", "learning web designing", "having an exhibition", "cataloguing our collection of books", "writing for a magazine" etc.. none of these are "mega-projects" (like writing a book etc) that can take a whole lot longer to complete... maybe a 3 to 5 year time frame??

anyhow, i'm quite looking forward to getting together with this bunch of friends again soon to see how much each of us have accomplished this year.. *gulp* and also to hear what excuses we have for not getting around to doing some of these projects.. i sure have a few i know i never got around to doing..

p r o c r a s t i n a t i o n ? or just distracted??

Pathways to Peace

this "Pathways to Peace" presentation was a joy to receive in my email box this morning... it's worth those few minutes watching through it.. click on the on/off bit at the bottom to turn on the soothing music..

a dose of hope, peace, charity, kindness and more can't do any harm, eh?

"Chew On It!"

what a gem: found the Chew On It! website..

one of those truly Singaporean things... like, er.. Newater?? :O

stress factors

i spent part of this afternoon in a foodcourt sipping iced coffee reflecting on the events of the past week.. initially, i didn't want to post about this as it is somewhat private. but then, i realised that this "methodology" i came up with for analysing the stresses in my life is actually pretty cool (pardon me for the unabashed self-praise.. :p) and i should share it 'cos it really helped me to see where i am now..

what i did was as follows:

1. I sat down with a sheet of foolscap paper and a pen and wrote down all the "significant events, people and thoughts" that i encountered this week. I came up with a hefty 25. I define "significant" as what i can recall, quite easily, off the top of my head.

2. On another column, i put a tick for those events that either (a) clearly caused me stress or (b) could potentially create feelings of stress in me..

3. Similarly, in the same column, I put an "O" for those events that, on the other hand, gave me either (a) support or (b) confidence

4. I totalled up the ticks and the "O"s.

5. Guess what? The ticks exceeded the Os by 1. I had 13 ticks and 12 Os... no wonder I am "under considerable stress" and yet "able to exert control"... almost a tie, with the stresses winning a little..

umm...

anyhow, i thought this week's "Theme Thursday" theme was really good: "All Is Good".. i submitted this sunrise panorama I took this morning as my participation entry.. :)

Hwa Chong is tops!

the news

hooray!

nuff said.. :)

non-sequitur picture:



i always thought the fine was a little, er, extreme??

Linguistic humor, The English lesson

We'll begin with box, and the plural is boxes;
But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes.

Then one fowl is goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

The cow in the plural may be cows or kine,
But the plural of vow is vows, not vine.

I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
If I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth, and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

If the singular is this and the plural is these,
Why shouldn't the plural of kiss be named kese?

Then one may be that, and three may be those,
Yet the plural of hat would never be hose;

We speak of a brother, and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.

The masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine she, shis, and shim!

So our English, I think, you all will agree,
Is the craziest language you ever did see.

I take it you already know
Of tough and bough and cough and dough?
Others may stumble, but not you,
On hiccough, thorough, slough, and through?

Well done! And now you wish, perhaps
To learn of less familiar traps?

Beware of heard, a dreadful word,
That looks like beard and sounds like bird.

And dead; it's said like bed, not bead;
For goodness sake, don't call it deed!
Watch out for meat and great and threat;
They rhyme with suite and straight and debt.

A moth is not a moth in mother,
Nor both in bother, broth in brother.

And here is not a match for there,
Or dear and fear for bear and pear.

And then there's dose and rose and lose,
Just look them up, and goose and choose.

And cork and work and card and ward,
And font and front and word and sword.

And do and go, then thwart and cart.
Come, come, I've hardly made a start.

A dreadful language? Why, man alive,
I'd learned to talk it when I was five,
And yet to write it, the more I tried,
I hadn't learned it at fifty-five!

it ain't so funny if they make you say this in "Use of English In Teaching" lesson.. that's what we did today.. haha..

Calcutta

think City of Joy.. think Mother Theresa.. Rabindranath Tagore.. and in-your-face type of human existance...

suddenly, "Calcutta" sounds like an almost romantic place to go to..

i can almost visualise the photography i will be able to do there.. the sights, the sounds, the smells.. the experience..

i can't get it out of my head.. i have the chance to spend a week or so in Calcutta at the end of the year, after my YEP community service trip to Sikkim, or to go to somewhere else.. maybe less overwhelming, like Nepal or something..

but somehow, grimy Calcutta has this magnetic hold on me at the moment.. umm.. but i know it is going to be so hard to find a travel companion who would want/is quirky enough to want to extend the trip by spending it in this city with me...

*ponder ponder*...

they're gonna say i'm nuts...

Colorgenics Personality Test

My Colorgenics Personality test just revealed:

"You are under considerable stress and you are almost about to 'blow your top' but you are fortunate enough to be able to exert control. Control is the name of the game and it is so good to realize that whatever the situation may be at this time - it will pass. You need to get away from everything for a while and if you do, you will find that, strangely enough, it will seem that most of your problems and situations will seem to wash away, just as the sea may wash away 'footprints' in the sand.

Being a likeable person you get on well with neighbors and friends. You don't need anything to 'Rock your boat'. You want to 'love' and to be loved'.

Loneliness is soul destroying and at this time you feel lost and lonely, perhaps it is because you feel so frustrated that you are prepared to go out of your way to become emotionally involved with someone who could accept you for what you are. You are egocentric, antagonistic and quick to take offense, although it must be said, you can control your pent-up up emotion and thus avoid open conflict.

Matters have not gone well for you. You are experiencing severe stress trying to guard yourself from further disappointments. It would seem that all of your hopes and dreams have not been realised and you are now beginning to doubt yourself. You no longer wish to be further advised by anyone and you insist on going it alone - to control your own destiny. Even though deep down you doubt whether things will "

wow.. pretty negative... :O time to examine my subconscious??

English Tests

Spelling Test:

"You have 11 from 15 questions correct.

Absolutely fascinating! You probably knew you were going to get a good score! Some of those were a little tricky, yet you got a next-to-perfect or (probably) perfect score! Amazing! Count on winning the spelling bee! Grade:A"

umm.. was it THAT good?? oh darn, SPELLING BEE?? i think this refers to Grade 3 kids??

Grammar Test:

"You have 20 from 25 questions correct.

Excellent! You can now pass the eighth grade."

what??? darn! only the Eighth grade?? i thought i'm supposed to be TEACHING them?? :O

classroom faux pas

I committed what some people will describe as “classroom faux pas” on Monday.. now, you must be wondering what this can possibly be.. especially in an “open”, “exploratory” institute like the one I am in now.. Let me explain:

you see, I tickled a cow.. yes, not just any cow, but someone’s “sacred cow”.. after months of studying in this place, I figured that since we were at the forefront of education and educational research, and with all this talk of critical thinking, necessity for changes in teaching, and being open and all, I could afford to be vocal in class and to express some of the real-life challenges I see for teaching. Deep in my heart, I believe that it is only with the open, honest discussions that we have in class, without fears and concerns, while we are in the protected environment that we have now, that we can “dissect the theories and models” we have in front of us. This is the time we can figure out which methods are practical and which are not, and finally bring our own learned conclusions to the classrooms and “mould” the future.

Although this thinking and vocalizing of my views was well-received in most other classes, little did I know that, along the way, I actually came close, in this particular Monday class, to being condemned as “slaughtering someone’s sacred cow”... you see, after my wonderful school experience last week, I came back with the feeling that some of the things that we were being taught now in the institute, had in reality limited practicality in a real-life classroom setting, for various reasons. After I vocalized this in Monday’s class, I was quickly cautioned, privately, by a few of my classmates that this teacher may not be pleased with what I said as I brought up one of her “pet” research topics in my sharing..

fearing that I may have offended her, I sent her an email and got a somewhat strongly worded reply back. In her own words, she said she was “taken aback” after hearing what I said. She told me that she was “rattled” by my remark, worse still because the class appeared to “give me much support” (err… did she try to figure out why that was the case??).. as a result, she felt that she “had fallen many steps back”.. I was shocked that she had taken my remark so personally, and in some ways, was disappointed that she felt that I was “attacking” what she was teaching rather than that I was just “discussing”, since that was the angle which most classmates felt I was coming from… an innocent remark meant to generate discussion.. i even thought this feedback and empirical evidence i had for her would have been invaluable for her own academic research in this area.. but i guess she didn't see it this way..

we managed to have a private chat today where I articulated to her more clearly where I came from. Hopefully, the message got through to her.. At the end of the day, however, I guess it left me thinking and slightly sad... I know there is a lot of work still needed to be done to move towards improving the education system.. and this single event could be the very first hurdle I will face, even before I step out there..

wow, this could be a big challenge after all.. :| .. lucky i'm not one to give up so easily..

Swimming Pool



i wish i could figure out what Francois Ozon's French/English movie Swimming Pool is really all about, at a deeper level.. watching the exciting trailer, one could get a rather different picture than what the movie is (i think..).. that single-dimensional view that somehow seems frustratingly inadequate.. umm.. at the very least, the movie was almost surrealistic, if you know what i mean.. after a while, you wonder if you are watching what is actually happening, or only what is in the actors' minds or imaginations or fantasies..

still, i find it quite interesting to walk out of a movie theatre with a whole bunch of questions to ponder on, as well as self-reflections as to why some of the scenes had the ability to create a definite sense of "unease" in me, for whatever reason..

as the New York Times Review says: "The movie is alluringly insubstantial, like the light and air of the Luberon. You can't hold onto it, but it lingers in your senses and plays tricks with your memory."

aptly put.

good show nonetheless. worth watching.

Update: I found this particular review (mind you, it's full of spoilers) that really analyses the movie thoroughly.. quite well done. take a look if you watched the movie and was left as puzzled as i was..

exam wishes

hey, to all those of you "stressed-out" folks who are taking your 'O's, 'A's, promos, prelims, or whatever exams soon, ALL THE BEST and HANG IN THERE!! these dreadful exams will be over before you know it! then it'll be PARTY TIME! :)

it always seems really hard at this time but when you look back years later, you'll be glad you put in your best effort at this time - whether or not you may be wondering now if these exams will really matter many many years from now.. (i know 'cos now i am "looking back" at what happened those many "years ago", when i was in your shoes .... er hmm.. (feeling old-ish.. :p ).. i guess putting in our best effort at every stage of our lives (as long as we don't burn out) will always be worth it, especially for those who believe in living life to the fullest..

carpe diem! (*Seize The Day!*)

don't waste it on procrastination, indolence or apathy.. do what you can so you don't live to regret!

on a rather unrelated note, someone just sent me this disturbing pic:



it begs the question: is this for real?? :O (gasp!!!)

"nowhere in africa" & more mbti balderdash



caught Nowhere in Africa this evening - last year's Academy Award winner for Best Foreign Language Film. it's a movie based on "the extraordinary true tale of a Jewish family who flees the Nazi regime in 1938 for a remote farm in Kenya... abandoning their once-comfortable existence in Germany,"

i was stunned by how beautiful the movie was - the pace, the storyline, as well as the realistic protrayal of human strength, weakness, adaptability, fear, love, lust, friendship and trust...

though the show was no less than 3 hours long, rarely does a gem like this come along - go watch it soon before it disappears..

and from terence's page, i got this link that gave me a bit more information about us ENTP types..

ENTPs are interested in and talk about everything that is new and unusual even if it is not in their main field of knowledge. It is as if they are magnetised by all brand new theories and are fascinated by all phenomena that can not be explained with logic or reason, for example: ESP, telekinesis and UFO's. They cannot logically explain their ideas as they are always intuitive and vague. Most people cannot fully comprehend their concepts, they simply believe or do not believe. (hahahaha.... ufos.. hahahaha..)

The main peculiarity of ENTPs behaviour is an incredible absent-mindedness. They usually leave items where they used them and have a tendency to constantly lose smaller objects. ENTPs work place and personal belongings are often kept in disarray. They invariably forget what they have already done and what they need to do. However, they are quick and shrewd in day to day matters, taking advantage of every opportunity that arises. Because of this others may consider them to be crafty or shifty. ( oops... ex-colleagues please do not comment on this... :p)

The other main peculiarity of ENTPs behaviour is the ability to mobilise in extreme conditions. If somebody puts pressure on them they immediately counterattack, often with more than equal force. They also like to give people advice on how to extricate themselves from difficult entanglements, often proposing the most radical solutions. (hahahaha.. anyone remembers the weird advice i've given you???)

One more peculiarity is the element of chaos and destruction that ENTPs bring to every field of their activity. This is especially noticeable in well established institutions where strong discipline is commonplace. However, they implement this chaotic element creatively, generating reform from the destruction. Because of this quality ENTPs often become leaders. (heh heh.. watch out world... :p)

personality test galore

i know this is going to show how distracted i am, but hey, look at these personality tests i just took (via puppylove)

A: Enneagram

Conscious self	Overall self

Take Free Enneagram Test

i'm not entirely sure what this "Enneagram" thing is all about, though i've heard of it before.. sounds a bit new agey.. anyhow, i found the results above rather inaccurate (for reasons i shall not disclose here), so i decided to take the online free Myers Briggs Type Indicator test instead..

B: Myers Briggs Type Indicator

Extroverted (E) 61.11% Introverted (I) 38.89%
Intuitive (N) 65.71% Sensing (S) 34.29%
Thinking (T) 51.43% Feeling (F) 48.57%
Percieving (P) 52.78% Judging (J) 47.22%

ENTP - "Inventor". Enthusiastic interest in everything and always sensitive to possibilities. Non-conformist and innovative. 5% of the total population.

Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test

amazingly, these were the same results i got 10 years ago! :O i've done the test three times in my life so far (including this one) and the results have always been almost identical (except for the first test where i was more introverted.. seems like i have shifted slightly to the right since..haha.. durrhh.. maybe i am a virtual extrovert but a introvert in real life?? :O)

C: Word Association Test

and these are some things i have issues with, apparently (i enjoyed a good laugh after this - it's hard to decide if it is accurate.. could be a really subconscious thing afterall) ..

I have issues with...

genetics weather nature destiny money

Take Word Association Test

D: The Big Five Test

and finally, the most popular The Big Five i- apparently the most accepted personality model in the scientific community at the moment. The Big Five emerged from the work of multiple independent scientists/researchers starting in the 1950s who using different techniques obtained similar results. Those results were that there are five distinct personality traits/dimensions.

The Big Five Personality Test

Extroverted	||||||||||||||||	68%
Introverted	||||||||||	32%
Agreeable	||||||||||||||||	70%
Aggressive	||||||	30%
Orderly	||||||||||||	46%
Disorderly	||||||||||||||	54%
Relaxed	||||||||||||||	60%
Emotional	||||||||||	40%
Intellectual	||||||||||||||||||	72%
Practical	||||||	28%

Take Free Big 5 Personality Test

Details on each dimension:

Extroversion results were high which suggests you are very talkative, optimistic, sociable and affectionate but probably not very reflective.
Friendliness results were high which suggests you are very good natured, trusting, and helpful but probably too much of a follower
Orderliness results were medium which suggests you are moderately organized, reliable, neat, and ambitious.
Emotional Stability results were high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, unemotional and probably too unobservant of your feelings.
Intellectualness results were high which suggests you are very creative, original, curious, imaginative but probably not very practical.

Overall, you scored highest on Intellectualness and lowest on Orderliness.

gosh, it's 10am! i really need to get started on my essay!! :O

"The Great Prawn and Shrimp Debate"

long have i pondered, in the quiet of my room on a warm sunday afternoon, in the solitude of a long and lonely bus ride home, in the course of a corporate meeting that has dragged on too long, in the middle of a conversation with someone who clearly prefers monologues, this question: "Prawns and Shrimp: Are they Different? Or Actually The Same?"

i have heard many answers: "Prawns are big shrimps, or shrimps are small prawns". "We call them prawns, they call them shrimps"... etc..

finally, i've found the answer here at this site : "the only biological difference being that prawns have their second abdominal flap (counting from the head towards the tail) overlapping the first and the third.“ see the site again for the pic that shows the subtle difference...

so there IS a difference! there you have it! next time, before you tuck into your dish of drunken prawns/shrimps or cornflake prawns (Lynn's favourite) at that 10-course Chinese dinner, pause a little while, check that belly bit of the crustacean and eat in peace knowing that you KNOW what you are eating...

:p ... sunday morning madness.. sitting in front of the computer with a pile of unfinished assignments and surfing the net for "prawn" ... (aiyoh! not porn! prawn!! durrhh... hahahahaha...)

cut hair

just for the heck of getting a new experience (and of course saving money at the same time..:p), i went to QB House at Caltex House Raffles Place yesterday for one of those $10 Vending machine, super efficient, no-frills haircuts..



i was quite impressed by how the whole concept works. everything was planned to the minutest detail, including where customers can put their belongings and glasses, where staff can sweep the remnants of cut hair quickly and cleanly, the seating arrangements for waiting customers, etc etc..

despite my commitment to teaching for at least the next 3 years or so, i know a part of me still remains very much in the world of business and retail.. of selling, marketing, customer service, advertising, business models, financials, and training staff to sell and to serve...

oh well, we'll see what happens in the next few years.. :)

btw, i've uploaded some more of my photostitched digital panoramic pics.. take a look! :)

stick people swordfighting sequence

this flash animation is amongst the best i've ever seen!

wow! pretty darn cool and funny.. hahaha..

walking right & walking left - online

someone sent me this online summarised version of Turn Left Turn Right.. the music is really nice - enjoy it.. :)

i was trying to put this up in Chinese characters but i don't have the software to do it.. anyone has any clues?? gatchaman?

blessed week

this has been a truly blessed week!

spent an enjoyable 5 days experiencing real school life at wonderful ACJC which happens to be a "missionary school" - it was definitely eye-opening to see how differently the teachers and students go about their daily lives and interact with each other when God was put at the centre of all their activities...

for one, the national athem every morning was sung in a "hymnal" style (no kidding! you can clearly hear "harmonisation" of the notes by the 10-member choir which led the anthem every morning - try to recall how Majullah Singapura sounded like during your own school days.. haha). then, staff meetings always start with prayer.. really strange cos i guess we always imagine meetings to be just "get-it-over-and-done-with" super secular, inevitable evils.. also, the helpfulness and rapport amongst the staff was just incredible and we had teachers coming up to us every day to say hi and to want to know about us (i know anyone could be cynical about this and say it was all "made-up" to impress us - believe me, i am quite perceptive and i really don't feel it)...in a dog-eat-dog world of backstabbing and office politics, this was Paradise...



and then, i also managed to pick up my new Canon G2 at a great price as well as a 256mb compact flash card yesterday at almost half the price i expected to pay.. watch the wonderful Turn Left Turn Right show on Thursday, and lastly, find a nice new home for my 128mb SmartMedia storage card (which i bought for my Olympus digicam which has since died) by giving it away to someone who really needed it but didn't have money to buy one..

nice fuzzy feelings... :)

school starts again next week.. grr.. assignments galore..

turn left, turn right



after getting used to gigi leung's somewhat strange-sounding, slightly cantonese-accented chinese, and then takeshi kaneshiro's never-before-seen boyish smile, i actually found myself really liking the show "Turn Left Turn Right", when i was through watching it this afternoon..

based on the wonderfully-illustrated story book "A Chance of Sunshine" by taiwanese cartoonist Jimmy Liao, it proved to be more than just the soppy love story i thought it was going to be (soppy, yes - the woman behind us couldn't stop rustling her packet of Kleenex throughout the show, amidst her hushed sniffles..), the movie indulged us with some of the usual feel-good predictability, a bunch of cleverly added-in subplots, pleasing and arty cinematography throughout, a plot that moved along well from start to end, good chemistry between the leads and much much more..

and as with all fairy tales, it had a fairy tale start, a fairy tale middle, and a fairy tale ending that left us all feeling warm and fuzzy on the inside.. :)

i guess it helps that i am a 100% fan of Jimmy Liao.. hee hee.. i have five of his books! Sometimes, after finding myself becoming increasingly distant from the Chinese language for lack of formal usage (i.e. for academic or business), it sure is nice to have that really strong desire to read literature written in the language again. this is something that only a wonderful Chinese book like Jimmy's can achieve for me..

go pick it up from Kinokuniya book store soon! and go watch the show of course! :)

my first photostitch project

never one adept at the girlie craft of cross-stitch, i have nonetheless discovered the joys of one of the niftiest functions of all canon digital cameras ..

the panoramic photostitch!



click to see my first ever digital panoramic pic in detail..

watch out for more to come... :)

Canon G2



i've finally joined the big and growing Canon family after accidentally killing my faithful little Olympus exactly a week ago .. picked up a real cool bargain - a brand new Canon G2 (discontinued model) for $699 at Safe Superstore Jurong Point yesterday!

nice uncle on duty was really happy to sell it to me 'cos it was the last piece.

he didn't know how much happier i probably was than him! :)

what a sweet deal..

LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES...... (READ THEM OUT LOUD)

> > That's not right. Sum Ting Wong
> >
> > Are you harboring a fugitive? Hu Yu Hai Ding?
> >
> > See me ASAP. Kum Hia Nao
> >
> > Stupid Man. Dum Gai
> >
> > Small Horse. Tai Ni Po Ni
> >
> > Did you go to the beach? Wai Yu So Tan?
> >
> > I bumped into a coffee table. Ai Bang Mai Ni
> >
> > I think you need a face lift. Chin Tu Fat
> >
> > It's very dark in here. Wai So Dim?
> >
> > I thought you were on a diet. Wai Yu Mun Ching?
> >
> > This is a tow away zone. No Pah King
> >
> > Our meeting is scheduled for next week. Wai Yu Kum Nao?
> >
> > Staying out of sight. Lei Ying Lo
> >
> > He's cleaning his automobile. Wa Shing Ka
> >
> > Your body odor is offensive. Yu Stin Ki Pu

weird analogies

i've finally found someone with a greater penchant than me for analogies.. and really weird ones too.. :p

this morning, we heard a speech by an ex-Vice Principal of the school i am currently attached to for my one week "School Experience" (where we are supposed to get a feel of "reality" by observing real teachers in action and real students in "inaction"..) i shall avoid naming the school for fear of accidental offense .... i mean, you never know, right? besides, it's irrelevant to the story..

anyway, in a short speech of no more than half an hour, the straight-faced but very funny ex-VP told the students how they should not be one of the following 4 "things":

(a) a cabbage: a cabbage just sits there, in total inactivity, just like students who do not like to participate in physical activities and sports. These students start to "get wide at the equator and narrow at the poles". they have an absence of what we call the "waistline".. He said, matter-of-factly: "Girls, these are not people anymore. They are cabbages." we burst into fits of laughter.. the best part is, he didn't even blink when he said that!

(b) a sponge: another inactive creature, except this was more in the "mental" sense. sponges sit there, not contributing to the class. they just "suck and suck everything the teacher says" and then, when exams come about, they "just squeeze everything out".. - basically, these students are "brainless"..

(c) a coral: according to him, this type of student is even worse.. corals sit there, doing absolutely nothing. they do not even absorb. just sit there, pretty. one fine day, the "dynamite will come along and just blow them apart".. :O durrhhhh???? i think a lot of us sat there, pondering on what he was talking about.. and decided in the end it was just really funny..

(d) a jellyfish: but the worst of all?? jellyfishes are students who just float around lost and in their own existences, until they meet someone else along the way, like teachers and other students, and irritate them. they otherwise do nothing else.. their entire existence is to go around "irritating other people"..

hahahahaha...

that's one thing i've learnt about teachers.. a lot of them have the ability to make the most amazingly sharp and witty but non-sacarstic jokes about their students.. hahaha..

light cycle

I think this Light Cycle fireworks performance by artist Cai Guo Qiang in Central Park NY is pretty amazing...

there is even a corresponding visual arts exhibition of his drawaings using gunpowder..

reading English

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in what oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and the lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by itslef but the wrod as a wlohe.

perety azamnnig, eh?

lifestyle changes

my recent bout of health misfortunes have made me seriously rethink my lifestyle... from the moment i wake, to how i go through my day, to what i eat, to how i sleep at night..

all these years, i've always thought myself fit and healthy, able to run, swim, walk and cycle for miles if i wanted to. Despite my less-than-totally-healthy living habits (which i have been trying to work on every year as part of my new year's resolutions, from as far back as i can remember..) - e.g. late nights, lack of fluids, overexercising on the weekends and slopping out on weekdays, health was never an issue, albeit the occassional bout of flu or cough..

yet, things appear to have changed..

pardon my dramatic and fatalistic tone, but somehow, these things have been sitting on my mind for the past few days like heavy pieces of lead, burdensome and distressing... maybe 2003 is indeed the year of changes..

at my (not so tender but rather) young age, i am told by my chinese doctor that i can possibly get rheumatism (cos of my ankle injury).. a condition which i've always associated with ah pehs and ah pors, rubbing odorous axe brand medicated oil on their aching joints when it rains.. moreover, my injured ankle ligament will probably put me out of running for another couple of months at least, which means that i will have to switch to another activity to keep myself physically fit. Although it is still too early to think about it now, it seems that even after i have "healed", i may have to be really careful and not overexert it, ever. facing the possibility that i may never be able to try running a marathon (since i cannot imagine not exerting any part of my body in a race like this).. makes the future take on some bleakness which i don't really know how to express..

then i encounter this worrisome eye infection that took me by complete surprise, threatening my lifelong interest in and dedication to photography - especially since the eye that was infected is the only one i've been using to take pictures all this while.. strangely, for some reason, i'm someone who's able to wink with only one of my eyes.. i haven't met anyone else like me.. some defect?? :O

maybe i should turn vegetarian. or take up pilates. or give up eating red meats. or coffee.

life definitely needs changes.

forbidden city: portrait of an empress

here's a postcard i picked up when i was at beijing's forbidden palace in 1997.. this is the real Empress Dowager... she looks pretty benign.. eh?



i remember once about a year back when i was asked in an informal survey: Do you see yourself first and foremost as a Chinese, an Asian, or a Singaporean?

i remember replying, after a slight pause, that i probably saw myself as an Asian, above the other more specific “identities”. Having traveled to quite a few Asian countries these last 6 years, i realised that when i meet other backpacking travelers on the road, I was straightaway recognized as an Asian, first of all. The quick mutual guess of how easily we would be able to “connect” with each other depended on whether they too came from this part of the world, the far East, the “exotic”, mystical Orient. Although some of you may disagree on why I should identify myself based on how I am “seen” vs. who I actually “am” (whatever that means..), yet, this to me was inevitable, as I saw them in the same way, as “Ang Mohs”, Africans, etc. or as "Asians, just like me", if they are Japanese, Koreans, Indians the first time we meet..

nonetheless, midway through watching the stunning singapore repertory theatre musical by Dick Lee yesterday afternoon at the Esplanade, I started thinking hard again. the stunning performance by kit chan and the (not perfect but definitely impressive) cast stirred the crowd with some amazingly written scores and lyrics- as i type this blog entry, the music is playing on my computer –

as 50 years of China’s tumultuous history was condensed into a 2 hour performance with singing, dancing and swinging, i was struck by how little i know about the history of our forefathers – our ah kongs and ah pors who came from the various provinces of China. To a typical third generation singaporean, it was as if our entire history began only after Raffles landed in Singapore, or when we parted from Malaysia 38 years back, or during British colonial rule. Suddenly, it dawned on me how my apathy regarding my ancestral roots has thus far denied me the knowledge of the amazing history and culture of the Chinese which stretches back some 3000 years, far beyond the 38 years we are familiar with.

Knowing the history of the Chinese was fascinating and made me realise every human being on Earth is unique also because of where their ancestors come from, many many years ago. More than being divisionary, i think any educated individual would realise that such diversity gives us all a reason to appreciate each other even more, and hence to want to live in peace, cos that's what makes the world such an amazing place..

go watch the musical soon if you can. it was impressive and worth every cent.

and i think you can easily guess where i shall be planning to go for my next BIG trip.. :)

amazing pictures

ever felt you saw a face (two eyes, a nose, something like a mouth) on a rock or a flower (see here a community photolog "face2face" dedicated to this) or felt that "that hill looks a bit like a woman/man/cat/dog.. sitting/standing/running/whatever.."?

someone sent me this "Amazing Pictures" powerpoint slide show that is truly fascinating.. take a look at it.. it shows bits of the world in a way that we may never have seen before. (there's more than one pic - click on pics, use your scrollbar to scroll or the arrow keys on your keyboard to see all the pics)

i'm not sure if some of the pics have been doctored in Photoshop (see expert "photoshopped" works.. this one is my favourite)... so don't ask me.. :p

mid-autumn greetings

oops! i just passed the mid-autumn festival without greeting everyone.. here it goes..



this year was real quiet everywhere.. mum says it's because everyone's trying to show their respects to the folks who died in the Sept 11 incident.

holga panoramics

my first holga panoramics are up!!

click here!



done with 35mm print film in the Holga 120S as described here

incredible light leaks.... artistic?? :p.. hahaha..

clever time wasters and distractions

This made me laugh.. silly signs - worth a click

if that didn't bug you enough, try this

oh no!!! :O

due to a horrid and most ridiculous error on my part (no, i didn't drop it into the toilet bowl nor out of the window, but it is a bit embarrassing to explain), i just killed my faithful 1.3mpx Olympus Digital Camera!! :,O

i'm not sure if it can still be fixed.. or if it is worth fixing, now that 4.0 to 5 megapixel digital cameras are the norm.. maybe fixing it will cost me hundreds, in which case i am better off just getting a new one.. or maybe the Olympus shop will refuse to repair it so i am forced to buy a new one..

boo hoo!!!

i don't want to buy a new digital camera!! i want my Olympus 1.3!! and they are not selling this model anymore!! :,( although i've had it for more than 2 years (which is "eternity" in computer time), it's been a pleasure to carry around and has never failed me..

to think that the lovely sunrise picture that it took this morning will be the last one that i will ever see... * sniff *....... :(

my heart's broken..

health care

my chinese physician gave me a bleak diagnosis yesterday when i visited him to sort out a troubling ankle pain. because of my recent eye condition, i put off treating the ankle sprain and now it seems that it has gotten a bit more problematic. this guy was excellent (from China) and even managed to diagnose other (more chronic) problems i have, such as with my knee and shin (i had an injury as a kid) - if you ever need a chinese acu-massage guy (touch wood!), get the contact from me...

i've had enough of bleak diagnoses for now.. :( so i'm not going to elaborate here - it seems like my only current option is to work at treating it and letting it rest for as long as possible.. since both running and swimming (cos of my eye) seem out of the question, i was thinking maybe i should take up cycling or something..

anyhow, about my eye, lots of good folks in the health line have given me tons of info recently. turns out that contact lens are really bad (just that docs don't ever say it lest they get sued by contact lens companies). for one, optometrists themselves don't wear it. idea is, we must let our eyes rest at least half the time - though i know many of us, myself included, are used to depending almost exclusively on our lenses...

hard lessons.. fortunately not permanently "damaged".. :) thank God..

it's a brand new day



whenever anyone posts a pic like this, it is likely they stayed up all night to finish their assignments?? :O

:p.. i'm almost done with my essay on teaching english to secondary school kids..

yawn.. haha...

mid-autumn cuteness



click here!

overheard in the background a digital camera-wielding man saying to his wife and children: "Quick quick, all must take one! Otherwise how can worth it??", squeezing his children in front of others standing around the pretty jumbo cloth lanterns from China.

and so, in the midst of the festivities and good cheer, kiasu-ism rears its ugly head, here in the sweet sweet world of love and care and hello kitty sweetness..

panoramic singapore

inspired by singapore master photographer tay kay chin's superb xpan panoramic pics, i went out with my seldom-used 20-35mm tokina lens and shot my first roll of panoramic shots last friday, using the "panorama indicator" function (camera blocks out top and bottom of rectangular viewer with checkered boxes) on my camera and a little bit of imagination..

still a lot to learn but came out better than i expected... hee... discovering new functions on my existing camera is like buying new camera equipment, less the expense! :P

click here!



>> stay tuned for the report of my mid-autumn saccharin "hello kitty" experience @ the chinese garden, which i visited earlier this evening .. will upload pics tomorrow..

nude photography

if you love photography
if you love nudes
if you love natural scenary

you'll love this hardcover coffee table book that's out in Kinokuniya now.. $26 plus.. only available in Singapore at the moment, if i'm not wrong..

Secrets of the Feminine: Sahara, Namib and the Jungle



it features multi-racial (female) amateur nude models in some of the most beautiful desert and jungle scapes in the world, e.g. Sahara, Gobi, Namib.. totally artistic, so don't buy it if you are just into porn.. :O

highly recommended. especially at (what i consider) an incredibly low price!

-------

haha...more book recommendations by hwee ling, a la "The Oprah's Show".. :p

digital foto fad

blogger was down for a large part of today.. and when it was finally up, i couldn't figure out what had happened .. very mysterious indeed..

Was at Comex @ Suntec yesterday and was amazed at the mad squeeze for the latest range of digital cameras, especially around the Canon, Olympus, Nikon and Fuji booths. Every merchant was in the price-slashing-free-gifts-game and the public was in a tizzy.

While I was there to ogle at them as well (the digital cameras, not the people), I realised that many people who were there did not appear to know anything at all about photography, or even digital cameras, judging from the kind of questions they asked. Some even sounded like they were trying to get a Photography 101 Course from the sales staff on duty! :O I’m sure it’s nice to imagine yourself getting into a new hobby and all that, but something tells me this, for most people, is going to be just another fad, like the skate scooter fad we saw just a year or more ago..

Remember the skate scooters? They were everywhere at one point (rolling into the path of unsuspecting pedestrians) and now they are a rarity to see on the streets .. a few friends of mine bought their fancy digital cameras (3.2mpx or more) some time ago and the last I heard, they “hardly ever use it” and “definitely don’t bring it out”.. If the whole point of digital is to “save on film” and “be able to take and take” without restraint, what’s the point of leaving it at home? Being a victim of consumerism myself, I fully understand the temptations of getting into the latest “in thing” – guess that’s what drives our economy anyway..

Anyhow, my baby pic is up at the babypicture fotolog - you can upload your pic there too!

and this lovely, crumpled pic I just found, taken more than two dozen years ago, of my daddy holding me proves (to me at least) that there is still unbeatable charm in prints vs digital.. :)

photography directions

i've been incredibly tempted to upgrade my existing digital camera to either the Canon Powershot G5, the Olympus C5050 or the Nikon Coolpix 5400.. after all, have you heard of anyone still using a 1.3mpx dinosaur?? :O not that i'm rolling in cash or that my digital camera is really that bad (most of the pics on my blog and fotolog were in fact taken with this cam), but i kinda wonder if a good digital cam can perhaps push my photography to a "higher level"..

but the following reasons hold me back:

1. which one??

- the three models compared side by side
- G5 or C5050? G5 is the latest model by Canon, which seems to be the most popular digital camera makers at the moment, while C5050 came out some time ago.. but based on this review, it seems C5050 is sharper..
- only C5050 has underwater casing (for about S$300 - i've seen the quality.. not bad..) - could allow me a quick taste of underwater photography..
- but if i want the funky swivel lcd screen, then must be either the G5 or Coolpix 5400.. once again, a hard choice..
- and there's this new Canon EOS 300D Digital Camera at 6.3mpx!! how much is it?? --> update: rumour has it that it will only cost $1600! but of course i don't have any Canon lenses to start off with.. durrhh..
- or should i wait (until the cows come home) for Minolta to launch a digital SLR so i can use my existing lenses??

2. what about the slr?

- my current slr is really rather decent and has served me incredibly well all these years. i still lack some fundamental lenses (eyeing a 100-400mm tele lens now) and maybe money should be spent on this camera first.. perhaps i should just continue to build up my basic slr equipment since this is the best camera i have and the one giving me my best pictures..
- i want to buy a dedicated flash too..
- and maybe other stuff..
- these things are not cheap.. and, once again, i don't roll in cash..

3. what about the lca?

- my lomo cam is already offering me all the possibilities for "artistic expression" and the so-called "random shooting" that i need to do every now and then.. besides, i guess my existing digital cam can do that too..

4. maybe spend on something else.. more meaningful??

- yes, i do think i already have enough different types of cameras to keep me very occupied, including my two Cheezels pinhole cameras..:p .. besides, i may get confused which camera to bring out or on a holiday.. haha.. oh well, it has happened before.. yes, maybe something else might come up soon that is more worth spending the money on..

the more i think about it, the more i think i shouldn't buy any high-end digital camera for now.. yes, challenge the digital trend and go film!! wahaha...

great! never knew i could use a blog entry to sort out my thoughts.. wow... cool... :) i suddenly feel strangely richer for having saved that $1000+ dollars.. for now at least...

desires... oh well, it's not wrong to have them, right?? :p

"One must not lose desires. They are mighty stimulants to creativeness, to love, and to long life."
- Alexander A. Bogomoletz

NDP 2003 Fireworks

hey, this enjoy-your-own-click fireworks thing is really fun and beautiful!

mid-autumn snack attack



more piglets courtesy of my sister.. filled with lotus paste.. yummy..

seen the lantern display at the Chinese Garden yet?? planning to go down next Monday! :)

school mag pic

this is a pic of my Sec 4 class taken eons back..

mind you, file is rather large - open only if you are on **whoosh** b r o a d b a n d like the rest of us.. :)

haha.. we looked so cute then..

just dug it up recently because of a "once-in-an-astrological-cycle" class reunion.. heh heh.. reminiscence you ask me?? hahaha.. we even forgot a few of the people in the class and couldn't agree on who was who already!! :O getting old getting old..

but someone during the dinner brought up the long-forgotten historical fact that our class once won, among the few "glories", the "Dirtiest Class Award"!!! wahahahah.. our chair(wo)man even went up the stage to receive the award of a nicely ribboned wastepaper basket!!!

hahahaha... the past can be so funny sometimes..

life-changing experiences?

i woke up this morning and scurried to the mirror. Something i've been doing every morning, without fail, for well over the past two weeks since my eye problem started.

i'll wake up, my left eye still sticky from the slab of eyelotion applied onto it the night before, dash towards the full-length mirror that hangs on the wall next to my postcard-covered wardrobe, without my glasses and all, and i will stare. Stare deep into my left eye - fist clenched, hopes high - i'll look at the white of my eye to see how much more or less red it has become, whether more or less blood vessels have started growing towards my eyeball. i'll stare at the white spot on my pupil that has become the source of my worries and fear to see if it has grown larger or smaller. everything else for me that morning will pause as i examine what has happened over the course of the night. and everyday, my eye has looked the same...

but today, this morning, it looked different!

the red has actually gone down! visibly! i am on the road to recovery. i am i am i am! :,)

for the longest time (at least that's how it feels), i have thought about what i would do once i am better and now everything seems possible again.. i am filled with renewed hope and vigour. with unaching eyes i look back at all the things i've learnt and the people i have spoken to these dozen days - the kindness i have received, the unexpected prayers from dear ones, not-so kind remarks from some others.

in some ways, this incident has been life-changing... and for that i am grateful.. i have learnt much and life has been kind to me..

yes, i guess in some ways, i am being rather self-centered now... war, terrorism, cpf cuts and global poverty - do i not care about them?... but just let me revel in the wonders of my recovery for a moment, no?

Are You Too Self-Centered?

someone told me yesterday, rather bluntly, that i was "self-centered"...

that certainly got me disturbed, and reasonably worried too, 'cos i hated to know i was that way and not actually know it, especially if it were true (the secret hidden personality trait that even i didn't know about)..

so i took an online test and got these results:

Ego-in-Check Chick:

You know how to do your fair share of giving and taking, talking and listening. Not one to overextend, you've learned that maintaining sensible boundaries is key when it comes to extending yourself. In the process, you avoid the pressure to put yourself second or third and easily tune into other people's emotions in ways the egomaniac can't. "You were taught early on that your needs were just as important as those of the people around you," says Pearson. As a result, you're a caring, reliable but non-doormat-y friend (and girlfriend). People are attracted to you because they know you won't demand their unflinching attention or be made to feel guilty by your generosity.

ya, that sounds a bit more like me.. my lovely sister was even more encouraging. she came right up behind me a minute ago and told me that she didn't think i was self-centered too and she agreed with the results.. she's sweet.. :)

i dunno, maybe sometimes, i just have to be more careful at dealing with certain people, especially the ones who are more sensitive.. i guess.. and maybe sometimes, what i do and say can appear rather imposing on other people's views and ideas..

ok, must be open.. O P E N!!!

this Hidden Personality Evaluation thing i found along the way was even more fun..

A faith to live by,
a self to live with,
and a purpose to live for.

The tragedy of life is what dies inside a man while he lives.
- A. Schweiter

In the game of life, it's a good idea to have a few early losses,
which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season.
- Bill Vaughan

"After a While"

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...

© 1971 Veronica A. Shoffstall

speech accents

this speech accent archive site is rather fascinating..

pity they don't have one of a true blue singlish speaker...preferably a "Beng" or an auntie from the wet market..

anyone care to submit your voice sample? i don't think mine is so "native" anymore..

again.. again again...

there are doctors and there are doctors..

my usual (umm..) eye doctor was off today for my fifth hospital visit and i got this pretty multilingual female eye doctor instead. she was really encouraging and told me, with a friendly laugh, that my eye was not going to "blow up"..

now, you must be wondering why i ever thought something so morbid...

yes, because those were the EXACT words used by this other doctor who saw me yesterday!!

with a grim look on her face, this was how our conversation went (verbatim):

Doc: Your eye may "blow up".
Me: Huh? What dur yur mean?? (shocked)
Doc: Perforate. Your eyeball may perforate. If that happens, you can be blind!
Me: What?? (look of disbelief and grief)
Doc: I need to see you again really really soon.
Me: Tomorrow? (grim anguished look - still in denial)
Doc: If you suddenly experience severe pain, just come straight back. Doesn't mattter what time. 2 am, whatever. Go to A&E.
Me: oh... (dumbstruck).. ok...

I was in grief and terror the whole of yesterday. Absolute terror, waiting for my eye to "blow up".

today's diagnosis was more of "it looks good. nothing is happening, which is good..".. phew!!!

and i just realised, while i was walking back just now, that i wasn't being fair to my body in my blog entry yesterday. maybe the bug really is vicious and my body is already doing a great job keeping it from getting any worse.. sorry body.. :| ... and also to the medication. I was wondering out loud to my sister why my eyedrops and eyelotion Ciprofloxacin wasn't working, when a tablet form of it helped me the last time i got sick on my South American trip.

the doctor just told me that Ciprofloxacin appears to be the only drug that was actually doing anything..

:) i'm feeling better today.. my mood at least..

let me share a mid-autumn snack with you.. :)

what it is..

i went for my fouth eye check today and it turns out that while my eye isn't getting worse, it certainly isn't getting better... i cannot understand why my eye isn't responding to the medication.. even the doctors are puzzled, cos at the moment, i'm already on really strong and hourly antibiotic eardrops.. isn't medicine supposed to work?? i've never been in a situation like this when i'm neither getting worse nor getting better.. i'm wondering why my body isn't fighting this - the body i've always trusted to heal me in times of illness... why? why? why?? :(

problem is, i'm starting to feel some random jabbing pains which just get me down every time and the persistent redness isn't helping my morale.. yet, one thing that i've suddenly noticed is, when i'm feeling really really down and (at one point, while messaging a friend) start weeping out of desperation (something which doesn't happen very much - as far as i can remember..), the tears in my eyes actually made it a lot more comfortable..

being the random philosopher that i am, i'm wondering if this is just another one of Life's ways of reminding me of my vulnerability...

another checkup tomorrow morning to see if the new steroids are helping.. umm... i've never been on steroids before.. i hate to see the really long list of warnings associated with its use..

will see.. (no pun intended)