what it is..

i went for my fouth eye check today and it turns out that while my eye isn't getting worse, it certainly isn't getting better... i cannot understand why my eye isn't responding to the medication.. even the doctors are puzzled, cos at the moment, i'm already on really strong and hourly antibiotic eardrops.. isn't medicine supposed to work?? i've never been in a situation like this when i'm neither getting worse nor getting better.. i'm wondering why my body isn't fighting this - the body i've always trusted to heal me in times of illness... why? why? why?? :(

problem is, i'm starting to feel some random jabbing pains which just get me down every time and the persistent redness isn't helping my morale.. yet, one thing that i've suddenly noticed is, when i'm feeling really really down and (at one point, while messaging a friend) start weeping out of desperation (something which doesn't happen very much - as far as i can remember..), the tears in my eyes actually made it a lot more comfortable..

being the random philosopher that i am, i'm wondering if this is just another one of Life's ways of reminding me of my vulnerability...

another checkup tomorrow morning to see if the new steroids are helping.. umm... i've never been on steroids before.. i hate to see the really long list of warnings associated with its use..

will see.. (no pun intended)