The Problem With Asian Parents

The relationship of an Asian mother with her daughter is, in my opinion, one of the most volatile and complicated relationships between any two people. Recall the story of Amy Tan's The Joy Luck Club - a well-known story revolving around the different mother-daughter relationships between the characters. In the book, the problem of communication and lack of understanding between mothers and daughters is emphasized. The stories are rife with mother-daughter conflicts, often tearful, often unresolved even till deathbed. While trying not to be a little overdramatic here, I see this constant conflict of opinions, ideas, beliefs and frequent (and often violent)disagreements on what is considered right and wrong behaviour and overprotectionistic behaviour a pretty common source of disharmony and stress even among my peer - girlfriends around me and their mothers.

My relationship with my mother is itself a classic example of one such relationship. In every way, my mother is the typical Chinese mother, caring, protective and ever ready with every meal, doing the washing and cleaning, and making sure the house is spick and span. A very house-proud mother, if you could say. You will ask: So what are your complaints, you ingrate!? I have only one: the fact that almost three decades from the day I was born, my mother still does not ever seem to notice that I have grown up, I have my own experiences now, and I have my own way of interpreting and experiencing the world. The world that I am experiencing now is alien to my mother, just as hers will be alien to me should I ever travel back in a time machine. Yet, my mother (and she is not the only mother to think this way, from a random survey of girlfriends' mothers around) believes that as long as her daughter (i.e. me) is not married (no matter whether I am 15,25,35 or 45 or :O...), I will always have to abide by the rules for which she has imposed on me from the day I started walking. These rules include curfews, living habits, opinions and sometimes even things like hobbies (which for me fortunately I have been able to get away with, having started diving and skiing since the UK and am now beyond her reach).

I don't think she and the others will ever know how little difference that will make to whether we do end up experiencing what we really want to in this vast and exciting world - guided no longer by their protective arms but by our own beliefs, intuitions and principles. Instead, what they will end up with are merely rebellious children who will choose to share less and less with them as time goes by...