i really don't like myself today.. i lived today mindlessly and ended up causing some bad feelings and damaged egos.. i didn't stand up for someone when i should have and passed along information from one to another like a mailbox without considering how it might hurt others...

i could of course just make excuses like i was really tired.. or distracted.. or busy or whatever.. but still, i guess it all boils down to the fact that i have indeed become quite self-centred and "unthinking" this recent past.. for e.g. i was helping someone i know to look for an artist who could draw a portrait of her month-old son. i got this former art student i know to do so and it ended up that the person who wanted it done wasn't totally pleased with the completed work even though everyone else thought it was a pretty good piece of work. more importantly, the artist was proud of it and signed it. Instead of fully standing up for the artist who drew it and telling the one who wanted the drawing done to "just take it or leave it", i acceded to the latter's request to find out from the artist what drawing materials were used to draw it so "she could find someone else to modify it further" and even worse, agreed with the artist's sentiments that her name be removed from the drawing if it really was to be changed since it was no longer "totally done by her".... totally mindless...

it was only later, after a bit more thought that it fully dawned on me how insulting the whole incident had been for the artist and how i should have just stood up for her and taken the work back.. after all, if the work wasn't fully appreciated and was going to be changed, wouldn't it be better to just take it back and keep it as part of the artist's portfolio? i guess the money wasn't all that important after all...

fortunately, i got everything sorted out properly in the end and will be taking the piece of work back to the artist rather than let the insult continue.. but apologies had to be made all around... i really handled everything so badly... sigh... i hope they forgive me...