Bad Kids, Bad Parents?

I was greatly disturbed by the article in Straits Times today about the 7-year-old KaoHsiung boy who is addicted to pornography. This little boy was apparently exposed, by his porno-loving grandfather, to years of hard-core pornography, to the point that he is now “addicted” and knows how to surf TV channels himself for porno programmes, draws naked women instead of cartoons, and even fondles his own private parts. The grandfather, like many adults, I suspect, probably thought it was “ok” as the boy was “too young to understand.”

It is sad, even tragic, how so many parents fail to realise the negative impact they have on their children, each and every day, as a result of their own bad behaviours and attitudes. Take Singlish for example. Many parents are quick to blame the poor standard of English of their children on negative peer influence in school as well as bad teachers. But just take a walk around the heartlands one Sunday morning. You will be shocked how frequently (and loudly) you hear parents speaking in bad English to their children: “Aiyoh! Boy ah, wait you lost it how?” Little wonder why Singlish has unfortunately become our lingua franca, much to the dismay of the more linguistically proficient amongst us. I recall a close friend of mine and I musing one day last week at a restaurant (while overhearing this mother at the next table exclaiming something loudly in Singlish to her young son) how ironical it is that so many parents nowadays struggle hard to speak to (and hence misguide) their children in a language they themselves can hardly handle, even though they are perfectly competent in their mother tongues. I personally grew up in a home environment where my mother spoke to us only in Chinese since she didn’t know any English. As a result, I am effectively bilingual today, and can certainly tell Singlish apart from Standard English.

Having said this, it is not my intent to bash parents. I cannot imagine a more challenging role than parenthood, more so because it is often thrust upon ill-prepared couples that don’t know what they are in for. After all, babies, unlike toy cars and laptop computers, do not come with instruction manuals. Parents are left pretty much to their own imaginations and devices when it comes to “best practices” for bringing up their children. According to my Educational Psychology tutor today, the latest research shows, disturbingly, that “the majority of Singaporean Secondary school students are juvenile delinquents.” Majority?? The worst thing is, when parents are summoned to schools to discuss their children’s deviant behaviour, many show disinterest, apathy, and at the extreme, even exhibit signs of such behaviours themselves!

It will take a long time before society can figure out how to deal with these problems. In the meantime, we can only hope and pray that these problems do not worsen. But a lot has to depend on the parents, and their willingness to work with the teachers. That’s my view, at least.