reflecting on the new year and my coming of age



These past two weeks have been mentally and physically exhausting.. on top of being dreadfully busy getting back into the routine of things (waking up at 6.45am to rush for classes is a lot harder than I thought), and working on the follow-up work from the project in Sikkim, I’m trying to sort out my hundreds of slides from the India trip before I lose my momentum and these colourful little squares end up in dusty little stacks; unseen, unevaluated, unloved…

add that to the fact that the start of the year also sees me (since I’m a early-January baby) coming to the end of the 25-29 age bracket earlier than most of my same-age peers.… yes… it’s the last year I can put a little tick on application/survey/contest forms that indicates that I am in the two-decade plus category.... I know you folks who know me tend to imagine this is not something that will bother me that much.. but even when I met up with some of my good friends in little informal gatherings this past week, one way or other, we always end up discussing it... it’s an unavoidable topic… and, like it or not, the feeling of anxiety starts creeping sneakily into our minds.. we realise (and keep reminding each other sadistically) that it’s the last 365 days or so of our lives before we hit the big 3... the age that most 20-something females (and even the handful of vain males) dread to think about, even if they do not admit it.. it’s like, there’s this list of stuff (personal dreams?) we always thought we would do before we turn 30.. learn a language, master a musical instrument, establish a career, run a marathon, start a business, get rich, get married.... whatever.. and now, finally, there’s only one last year to complete them... suddenly, time is finite.. so so finite..

for me, I know it’s not because I feel the pressure to keep up with the rat race and unaccomplished in that sense… I think I’ve long been left on the “career sidelines” anyway.. or worse still, disqualified....(haha).. still, the desire to use my time well has never felt stronger... In retrospect, last year’s pace was frightfully but pleasantly fast, and (praise God) things turned out on most counts better than I expected, despite a number of unexpected and significant personal changes (including even a career/job change).. by the end of eventful 2003, I felt a small but real tinge of accomplishment, even if it was by my own humble standards.. I guess that’s why I find myself reviewing my 2004 resolutions again and again these past two weeks, wondering if they are good enough to at least “keep up” with those of last year’s... sounds a tad bit silly, huh?..

anyway, point is, I think I’m not ready to start the year yet... thankfully we have CNY just round the corner.. :) … grrr.. I need to hide away for a while and pretend it’s still 2003… umm.. maybe i can swtich to the lunar calendar instead?? :p