The key to self-awareness is honest self-observation

"If we do not observe ourselves, we cannot ever hope to be our own master.
We will be like 'puppets' yanked by every impulse tugging on our strings."

- Don Riso, an international Enneagram authority

circumstances in my life threaten to tug me in all directions. lots of both positive and negative events surround me these few weeks.

staying afloat. learning to keep everything in the right perspective and staying perfectly aware of what is happening in and outside of myself, as well as the choices open to me.

will be back to blogging real soon.

Dreams

I've come to believe that each of us has a personal calling that's as unique as a fingerprint - and that the best way to succeed is to discover what you love and then find a way to offer it to others in the form of service, working hard, and also allowing the energy of the universe to lead you.

Oprah Winfrey, O Magazine, September 2002
US actress & television talk show host (1954 - )

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

Mark Twain

If you want to build a ship, don't herd people together to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

from.. you are what you eat

the net principle

the irony of it all...

my new sony ericsson t610 got nicked at my workplace today after i left it on my worktable.. darn sad..yes, if you're wondering, it's the phone i mentioned in my very last post, just before this one.. lost all the contacts i have stored in my sim card over the past couple of years.. anyway, i figured that this is also a good time for me to figure out who my existing or remaining or enduring friends are.. those who have survived years of my nonsense and decide to remain friends with me.. if you got my number and still want to be in my list, please sms me, with your name of cos, and let me add you back, ya?

else i'll try to email you at some point to find out or get it from someone else in our "clique"??

i've realised that life is just like that sometimes.. someone returned me a mobile phone recently, one that i had lent to her for a while, and very promptly, i lost my new one. it is as if there is always this "net effect".. you lose something, you find something else, you drive your old car around for years and nothing happens to it. you buy a new car and you wreck it the next day... you lose a friend and then gain a new acquaintance.. when God closes a door, He opens a window..

bizarrely, this is always something i realise i subconsciously believe about life, despite how positive i appear about things around me and circumstances and events.. sometimes, i suddenly wonder.. in the quiet of the night.. maybe, just maybe.. there is really a "net" amount of happiness in this world... when someone is really happy, someone else in the world becomes sad.. when peace appears somewhere.. war breaks out in another corner..

oh well.. neber mind.. anyway, many thanks to the dearest friend who's about to lend me a camera phone to tide over these difficult times.. :) thanks! muaks! **

the *new* sony ericsson t610 gallery

went down to sim lim to buy an infrared to usb cable last night and finally managed to download my pics from my recently purchased (albeit no longer in fashion) camera phone.

now announcing the t610 gallery!

hahahah.. very lomo-esque pics.. cool..... i like.. :)

sunrise 05 oct 2004

a weekend of varied experiences


sunrise 04 oct 2004

the weekend that just passed (from friday all thru to sunday) was pretty amazing..

firstly, Friday. i happened to be at raffles city at the right time and caught no less than 5 babelicious models catwalking down the side of Raffles City to pulsating electronic music (see here for the 2004 vertical catwalk asia tour by espirit). i stood alongside heartland aunties with toddlers in tow and young couples in smart office suits, all of us watching in awe the real life Lara Crofts in action. Very surreal.

then hopped over to the opening of a good friend's exhibition at Singapore Art Museum. His team, sciSKEW architecture, is one of 10 artists exhibiting as part of Seni Singapore 2004 (Project Home Fronts). Look out for the cool piece of work – you can’t miss it cos it’s so huge (stretches over two rooms) and white and elevated and rather bright with about 30 flourescent tubes incandescent. Noticed a few somewhat well-known figures in the local arts scene while sipping wine and gulping tea tarik at the reception and caught up with some “long lost” acquaintances and friends. Fun :)

then adjourned to the related art exhibition Insomnia 48 at the Arts House where we stumbled upon a free slow waltz 101 course by a bubbly lady with a broad smile. She was brilliantly friendly and made the moves seem so effortless. Still, it didn’t stop me from tripping over my two left feet. Nonetheless, I’m glad i overcame some of my initial biasness against this dance form and now I think it can actually be quite fun. Ha.

woke up early Sat morning and went to get my already-not-so-long hair chopped further at my favourite HDB dwelling hairdresser, as suggested by my kind colleagues who are going to do likewise, as preparation for the heavy load of marking that will descend on us in a few days’ time, once the exams are done. In their own words, “Have a lighter head”. Imagine the extreme lengths teachers will go for their students! Erhm. *I’m sure you’re weeping in gratitude now??* haha.

Then headed down to Yishun swimming pool for some sun and laps. Trying my best to get the “healthy glow” look that is not typical of teachers.. hahahaha . ok ok, well, actually I was trying to fix my right ankle which is still throbbing a little from a careless sprain after the long run last week. Thought the soft motion of the water current will help. It didn’t after 10 laps, so I just stood around and people watched. Ha.

Ended the evening walking around famous Chong Pang "village" (where every other nasi lemak stall claims to sell the original "Chong Pang nasi lemak", just like in the katong laksa case), stopped by at the handful of pet shops to stare at the gerbils, hamsters and budgerigars, and eventually, ended up at Ma Kuang Chinese Physicians and had my first taste of acupuncture! I think the trauma of really doing it was more than the actual pain, though I did have some six needles poke into my foot and light electrical impulses sent through them, causing this odd numbing sensation for a good 15 minutes.

The random experiences continued into Sunday. A good friend and I caught up over lunch and then watched the Discovery Travel and Adventure channel host contest live at Suntec. At the beginning, we pained over those on stage who put on faked accents and looked enthusiastic but awkward for the cameras and live crowds (too fat? too old? really sweet? too friendly? too fake? whatever..) We cheered those who pleased us intuitively, even if we couldn’t figure out their appeal. In the end, I didn’t finish watching the whole contest and spent the rest of the day with a group of fun friends for cold beer along the river, laughing and bantering. Good clean malty fun. Ha, who can complain!

I think a weekend like this takes a while to recover from… burp…

on a morning a few days ago...





on a beautiful morning like this one, i could easily pretend i was watching the Aurora Borealis itself.. brilliant! :)

Exam Time Brainology

quote taken from a student's handed up assignment:

"When the exams are around, everyone's brain consists only of the left and the right. On the left, nothing's right. On the right, nothing's left."

- Anonymous

Sheares Bridge Run and Army Half Marathon 2004



i allowed myself to be coaxed into running the army half marathon (21km) this morning, instead of the 12km fun run i originally signed up for, and I managed to finish the whole thing without stopping in a little under 3 hours!! :D

by no means olympic standard and suffering from some aches in my thighs and ankle now (which i imagine can only get worse tomorrow) plus in desperate need for a quick snooze but it sure feels good to set a new milstone in my running! :) thanks to my pal for believing i could do it and pushing me along.

to more exciting running adventures in time to come!

next: The 10km Second Link Run (from Singapore to Johor) in Oct. Should be fun!

terry fox run 2004



it was supposed to be 8km. but it was definitely no more than 6.2km.

they cheated us!!! hope sheares bridge this sunday will really be 12km.

boycott M1!!

on behalf of my dearest friend Kai, i ask that all of us who can do so..

BOYCOTT M1!!!

grrr.. shouldn't have just extended my contract with them for another two years just to get the Sony Ericsson 610... hope ST Forum publishes her complaint letter. Bad customer service deserves a sound whopping! :(

International Coastal Cleanup, Singapore 2004

I joined an enthusiastic bunch of environment conscious folks at Chek Jawa (Pulau Ubin) this morning for the annual International Coastal Cleanup. As far as I know, there were more than 3000 people cleaning up the various coastal areas of Singapore this morning! Way to go! :)

Our team of about 40 cleared more than a tonne of trash from amongst the mangrove roots over the course of a little more than 2 hours, including more plastic bags and mineral water bottles than I could count, slippers, tires, light bulbs, cigarette lighters, ping pong balls, fishing nets, jerry cans, glass bottles and other random things. We worked fast and against the rising tide, sometimes knee deep into mud, pulling out plastic bags and ropes that had wrapped themselves around the roots of the mangrove plants at low tide.

While I was there, I took time to observe the nature that nevertheless managed to survive - amazing little crabs with single oversized pincers, large mudskippers, yellow-green sea grass.. the whole place was like a secret garden filled with wonderful mysteries.

Pulau Ubin as we arrived

Chek Jawa at low tide

The Mangrove Swamp in silhouette

Secret Gardens

My group's 200+ kg of trash

***Click here to see more pics from today***

On Fear

"What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it. We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it. "

~ Jiddu Krishnamurti

"Anything I've ever done that ultimately was worthwhile... initially scared me to death."

~ Betty Bender

"Fear defeats more people than any other one thing in the world."

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Winners are those people who make a habit of doing the things losers are uncomfortable doing."

~ Ed Foreman

Nick Nolte (on Life)

"Look, everything we repress, we put in a bag and carry behind us. Sometimes it gets too full and breaks open. That's what happened to me a couple of years ago.

"When that bag overflows is when I'm going to learn. When I mess up, there's a problem and I have to recognize it. I find my anger, my rage. I find that love is temporal, passion is forgettable and pain is always with you."

- Nick Nolte (The Toronto Sun)

Do you agree?

I don't know about pain.. but guilt does stay a long long time...

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial: A common misconception is that antisocial personality disorder refers to people who have poor social skills. The opposite is often the case. Instead, antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of conscience. People with this disorder are prone to criminal behavior, believing that their victims are weak and deserving of being taken advantage of. They tend to lie and steal. Often, they are careless with money and take action without thinking about consequences. They are often agressive and are much more concerned with their own needs than the needs of others.	High
Borderline: Borderline personality disorder is characterized by mood instability and poor self-image. People with this disorder are prone to constant mood swings and bouts of anger. Often, they will take their anger out on themselves, causing themselves injury. Suicidal threats and actions are not uncommon. They think in very black and white terms and often form intense, conflict-ridden relationships. They are quick to anger when their expectations are not met.	Very High
Histrionic: People with histrionic personality disorder are constant attention seekers. They need to be the center of attention all the time, often interrupting others in order to dominate the conversation. They use grandiose language to discribe everyday events and seek constant praise. They may dress provacatively or exaggerate illnesses in order to gain attention. They also tend to exaggerate friendships and relationships, believing that everyone loves them. They are often manipulative.	Very High
Narcissistic: Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by self-centeredness. Like histrionic disorder, people with this disorder seek attention and praise. They exaggerate their achievements, expecting others to recongize them as being superior. They tend to be choosy about picking friends, since they believe that not just anyone is worthy of being their friend. They tend to make good first impressions, yet have difficulty maintaining long-lasting relationships. They are generally uninterested in the feelings of others and may take advantage of them.	High
Avoidant:	Moderate
Dependent: Dependent personality disorder is characterized by a need to be taken care of. People with this disorder tend to cling to people and fear losing them. They may become suicidal when a break-up is imminent. They tend to let others make important decisions for them and often jump from relationship to relationship. They often remain in abusive relationships. They are overly sensitive to disapproval. They often feel helpless and depressed.	High
Obsessive-Compulsive: Obsessive-Compulsive personality disorder is similar to obsessive-compulsive anxiety disorder. People with this disorder are overly focused on orderliness and perfection. Their need to do everything "right" often interferes with their productivity. They tend to get caught up in the details and miss the bigger picture. They set unreasonably high standards for themselves and others, and tend to be very critical of others when they do not live up to these high standards. They avoid working in teams, believing others to be too careless or incompetent. They avoid making decisions because they fear making mistakes and are rarely generous with their time or money. They often have difficulty expressing emotion.	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

seeing eye dogs

everyone in the cinema went "awwwwww... sooooo cute!!!!"



then there were more awwwings and aahhhings cos there were more of them..



finally everyone settled down to watch Quill and found out how seeing eye dogs are selected and trained and loved.

sweet movie for labrador retriever lovers.

or for all dog/animal lovers for that matter.

Abrasions

had a nasty fall last night while running (yes, not a good idea at my age.. sigh..) and both my shoulder and two kneecaps are throbbing with pain now, badly scratched as i had fallen sprawled clumsily onto the rough tarmac after i tripped over a kerb while trying to avoid this guy strolling in front of me who had his cigarette butt held out dangerously by his side. grr...

thank goodness my sister is a nurse.. this was what she did for me, which closely corresponds with what i found later from a First Aid website:

1. Calm your child and let him/her know you can help. (my sister brought me my favourite Penguin soft toy - Pingu - which was great comfort..hahaha.)

2. Wash your hands well. (which she did, before laying out all the surgical implements neatly on the dining table)

3. Wash the abraded area well with soap and water, but do not scrub the wound. Remove any dirt particles from the area and let the water from the faucet run over it for several minutes. A dirty abrasion that is not well cleaned can cause scarring. (i flushed the wounds with blasts of cold water from the showerhead - thankfully i'm a bit of a masochist so it was ok..:p)

4. Apply an antiseptic lotion or cream. (we used Betadine)

5. Cover the area with an adhesive bandage or gauze pad if the area is on the hands or feet, or if it is likely to drain onto clothing. Change the dressing often. (i had it nicely taped up and dressed expertly by my sister)

6. Check the area each day and keep it clean and dry. (when i looked at it this morning, it was dripping and oozing with the yuckiest stuff you can imagine! i had to troop down to the pharmacy for fresh dressing.. eeww..)

7. Avoid blowing on the abrasion, as this can cause germs to grow. (i didn't cos i forgot, though i reckon i would have had i remembered. Now i know so i won't)

hope this doesn't affect my run next week at Sentosa! grr...

emotional intelligence

have you read about the Marshmallow Test?

i was reading my 8-year-old copy of Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman, given to me on my 22nd birthday by my dearest friend Lynn, and i came across this interesting study:

Four-year-old kids from the Stanford University preschool were the subjects.

The experimenter put a marshmallow in front of each kid and said: "You can have this marshmallow now, if you want, but if you wait until I finish running an errand, and don't eat it until I get back, you can have two then."

The videotaped results were hilarious. Some kids went up to the marshmallow, smelled it, then lept back like it's dangerous. Some went off in a corner and sang and danced to distract themselves. Some kids just grabbed it. About a third of the kids grabbed their marshmallows and ate them, about a third waited just a while, and the rest waited an endless 10 minutes until the experimenter came back, and they got their two, as promised.

These kids were followed up 14 years later, when they graduated from high school. The "grabbers" were still impulsive; they were quick to anger and not very popular. The "waiters" were popular and well-balanced emotionally. But the most astonishing finding was that the "waiters" had higher scores on their SATs - 210 points higher than the "grabbers," out of a possible score of 1,600.

Here are some social consequences of being impulsive: for boys - three to six times more likely to be violent by the end of adolescence; for girls - three times more likely to get pregnant in adolescence; for kids who are chronically sad or anxious in elementary school - most likely to end up as a substance abuser in adolescence during periods of experimentation.

Here are some consequences of being "waiters": A U.S. Department of Personnel study of outstanding performers found that they were flexible, adaptable, and conscientious; they stayed positive under pressure and had integrity.

i can't be sure what my EQ level is.. this test showed it was rather high while for the other test i barely made it above average... haha.. anyway, with stuff like that, who better to tell me then those dear long-time friends of mine who are always so brutally frank with me... :p .. should ask them.. haha..

love quotes

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?

-- Lilly Tomlin

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.

-- Anais Nin